PURPLE PANTIES
When I was eighteen years old I fell in love with Susan, the blond singer of The Human League. That was not surprising, since she was really my type: the English slut type. That is one of my erotic phantasms, the English slut type. Just like some people fall for the erotic archetype of the black haired Spanish fury – the Carmen type – or for the whorelike east-coast appearance – the Jennifer Lopez type, mulattos shaking their booty – I have a total weakness for the English, common girls that work in a snack bar, call everyone ‘dear’ and continuously run around chewing gum and uninterestedly drawing gigantic beers. But they do have blond hair and blue eyes and legs that make the universe shake, which totally permits us to forgive all of their shortcomings.
Such a person was Susan, the blonde singer of The Human League. It was no coincidence that she sang: ‘I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar.’ She sang it in her repulsive Northern England accent. I almost went mad with love, or was it more with excitement and lust?
In 1983 The Human League reached the top level of their fame. They played some really nice songs. ‘Open Your Heart’ among others, you remember. They even came to play in Kortrijk that year. But I didn’t go that time. I had never been to Kortrijk. Kortrijk was so far away at the time. I did not have a car or a motorcycle and taking the train was the very last thing on my mind. On top of it all, I was as poor as a church rat. It seemed an impossible mission to a faraway land. And what would my mother say? I was afraid of the adventure. I was as scared as a weasel at the time. What am I saying? I was a scaredy cat! I didn’t have any friends either. I stayed at home to watch television and to dream of a love that was far away, far away in Kortrijk.
Immediately after their moment of fame things started to go downhill with The Human League. In the eighties they had a number of accidental hits, but grunge and dance in the nineties meant the end of eighties electro. I forgot about the existence of Susan. Other women came into my life. I betrayed Susan with the likes of Kylie Minogue and Jennifer Lopez.
But pay attention lads, anything is possible: electro has returned just like the eighties and everything is allowed once more. Everybody can play synthesizers once again. They have officially been approved by the music police.
And as it happens, The Human League came to play at the Cirque Royale in Brussels. I read it in the newspaper. The dream about my forgotten and lost love resurfaced in my mind. Susan, I was in love with Susan. How would she be doing? What had happened to her?
The Cirque Royale was not at all sold out. The stigma of ‘has beens’ apparently stuck to The Human League, despite the revival of electro. Lead singer Phil Oakey appeared on the stage and sang that song ‘Seconds’. Do you remember that one? ‘It took seconds of your time to take his life.’ A really fantastic song. And then the two lady singers appeared. Joan, the black haired one, had gained some weight and showed some serious signs of motherhood. Susan’s beauty had remained intact. She had grown more beautiful than before. She wore a long black coat and her blond hairs waived around and adored her divine egg shaped face. And of course, she was disgustingly chewing that gum. My heart overflowed with tenderness.
She took a serious look at the hall. That was the electro pose she was supposed to strike. But it didn’t take long before she dropped the act. She took off her long coat. She wore a black cat suit with a refined décolleté. She started dancing like a young witch and smiled her most beautiful smile, the bitch. I lost my head completely. The whole gig passed me by. I saw only her. Don’t ask me what songs they played. At a given moment she disappeared backstage and reappeared a few moments later, wearing a black baby-doll. She started waving the short skirt. I saw her naked thighs blush. And then, in a flash, she lifted her skirt above her thighs and on that sacred moment that lasted for only a second, I was granted a look at her panties. They were purple panties, stitched with diamonds. The universe shook and it seemed like I was pulled into a deep abyss.
LUC DE VOS
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